1) Go-Go Gadget Lane Merger: About 98% of the time, I am a very calm driver. I don't feel that I am easily given over to "road rage"; however, there are exceptions. Like when there are signs for 2-3 miles warning everyone that we will be losing a lane of traffic due to construction and we're supposed to go ahead and MERGE into another lane. Being a bit of a rule follower, I immediately move to the proper lane when directed to do so. But then there are the few (and sometimes several) cars that think the rules do not apply to them. They just zoom up to the front as if nothing is happening and then cut in line at the last minute as they are forced to merge. This is where the Go-Go Gadget Lane Merger comes in handy. When lanes are merging, simply push the button and long metal poles shoot out from the sides of your car. They are not intended to injure anyone or anything; they are simply there to ensure that your car is not rudely passed by the front-of-the-line zoomers. The people who followed directions and merged when they were supposed to will be right behind you in their place (possibly with their Lane Merger poles out) and the people who failed to merge will just have to sit there and wait their turn like everyone else. I mean, if it weren't for these people, merging lanes wouldn't cause such a slow down.
2) Go-Go Gadget Periscope (AKA Go-Go Gadget Decision-Maker): This device comes in handy when you're stuck in a traffic jam and don't know why. It seems like the people on the radio are constantly reporting the traffic around the Metroplex, but every time I find myself sitting in traffic, all the stations seem to be in the middle of a no-commercial music stretch (which I would normally welcome but can't help but be annoyed by when I'm trying to find out if there is an accident up ahead). Traffic in front of you slowing down? Simply push the button and your periscope shoots out from the roof of your car to give you a peek at what's ahead. Once you can see above all of the traffic and up the road, you can decide whether to take the next exit or hang in there a few minutes until traffic picks up. Honestly, I wish all cars had these. It's like having your own personal helicopter to go ahead of you and scout out the situation.
On a different note, here's a tip for how to stay calm when you're stuck in a jam. Remember Princess Bride? Of course you do. Remember when Andre the Giant needs to get whats-her-face through to get medical treatment, but the road is packed with people? He shouts in his giant voice, "Everybody mooooooove" and the people immediately part to reveal a straight shot down the road? When I'm stuck in traffic I use my best giant voice to say, "Everybody mooooove" and I picture the cars parting in front of me. This may reveal how simple-minded I am, but it makes me laugh every single time. Instant stress-relief.
3) Go-Go Gadget Gas-Saver: You know those trucks that haul new (and sometimes used) cars on a multi-tiered trailer? Often times you'll see one go by that has an open spot in the bottom back side. Or those 18-wheelers with empty flatbeds. Well, whenever you see one of these things on the road, you pull behind them as you're driving. Then you simply push the button and a chain with a hook on it shoots out in front of you and hooks onto the truck. The chain quickly winds up as it pulls you closer to the trailer. When you arrive a the edge of the trailer, a small ramp extends ahead of you (at the same time that the hook and chain release) and you drive right up onto the trailer. Now you're riding along as if parked on a ferry. Simply reverse the process when you arrive at your desired highway exit. An instant gas-saver!
That's it for now. Happy Driving!
